Earl's
Testimony

Hello. My name is Earl John Mitchell. I am now thirty years old and I have been living with HIV/AIDS for the past seven years. In the hope that my testimony will encourage those who share my plight, and hoping too that it will help others to relate to the plight of those infected with HIV, I am privileged to be able to share my story with you.

For me, growing up was not easy. I come from a family of six children. I have two sisters and three brothers. My mom and dad divorced when I was two years of age. Then my mother had a relationship with an extremely abusive boyfriend. He constantly beat us. Even if we made too much noise we suffered terribly. The physical, emotional, and verbal abuse left scars that will be there forever.

As I grew up, I thought that childhood was terrible, but I never realized that much worse was yet to come . . .

In 1993, I matriculated from Ferndale High School where I was head boy in my final year. I excelled in all of my subjects.

Shortly after I matriculated, I decided to travel and to join a kibbutz. For my family this seemed like a great opportunity. For me, however, it was a form of escape from the realities of my sad life.  

As time progressed, the circumstances in my life improved. I traveled from country to country, enjoying each experience to the full. After settling in London, I had to work really hard due to the cost of living. There were times when I held down a few jobs in order to pay my way. Yet life continued to improve. At one stage I even entertained the idea that I was prosperous. 

Then, in 1998, I returned to South Africa from London. At this time I consulted with my doctor because the glands behind my ears had become swollen and painful. After examining me, my doctor took blood samples and told me that he would call me with the results. A few days later he called and asked me to visit his surgery. I sensed great concern in his voice.

When I arrived at the surgery, I felt sick, nervous and “empty.” He opened the conversation by asking me what type of work I had done in London. At the time, I couldn’t understand what that had to do with the results of my blood tests. When I told him that one of my jobs had been at a home for HIV children, his facial expression suddenly changed. He looked extremely awkward as he told me that I was HIV positive . . .

My stomach filled with anxiety. I could not believe my ears. I felt my world slowly crumbling. After a long silence, I stood up. There were so many unanswered questions running through my head and I had no idea where to find the answers.

With time I found myself withdrawing from society. In a strange way I was trying as hard as I could to block out reality. I felt lost and confused and did not know who to turn to. Who could I speak to? Who would not judge me?

Eventually I confided in my friend Tessa. I was so afraid, but I needed to tell someone. She walked up to me and embraced me, and she whispered in my ear that everything was going to be okay. To this my mind screamed out in protest, How could anything ever be okay for someone who is HIV positive?

This all took place over the festive season. Not knowing how to deal with my “Christmas Gift”, I resorted to drugs and to alcohol in a desperate effort to numb the pain and to block out reality.

When the time drew near for me to return to London, I was paralyzed with fear. I just could not face the thought of going back alone. At the airport I simply could not cope with all of the emotional goodbyes and I went to "hide" in an isolated corner. I knew I had to tell my family about my condition, but could not see how I could do it.

Eventually Tessa and my family found me - and I just sat there tongue-tied. Sensing my difficulty, Tessa took it upon herself to break the news to my family.

I began to cry like a newborn baby right there in the airport terminal . . .

My siblings tried very hard to hide their pain. My mother rushed over and, without saying a word, she took me into her arms and held me tightly. Silently, I soaked her shoulder with my tears. I couldn’t look at her. She simply said, “When you are ready to talk, I am ready.”

Only then did we all notice that I had missed my flight . . .

Eventually we gathered our emotions and we left the airport, but there was  a thick cloud of tension hovering over us. I have never felt so awkward.

As the weeks went by, I made arrangements to have my belongings returned to Johannesburg. At this time I started to feel weak. It was almost as though I could feel the HIV virus consuming my body. When I developed thrush in my mouth and throat, my aunt rushed me to the doctor . . .

My viral count had reached the level of full-blown AIDS.

At that time I felt convinced that my drug and alcohol abuse had only worsened my condition and so I felt loath to go on anti-retroviral drugs. I had also read that these drugs can cause hallucinations, anxiety, depression and even suicidal feelings and I just knew that I would not be able to cope with such side effects.

Then, just a few days later, I was introduced to Neville Mandy, the founding director of the Nature's Choice health food company. He introduced me to the idea of boosting my immune system by way of a natural diet and lifestyle. He explained that if I could be consistent and disciplined on the program, there was a very good chance that my immune system would be able to keep the HIV virus under control – even to the point that anti-retroviral drugs would not be necessary.

Everything that Mr. Mandy stated proved true. For seven years I have more or less followed his program and I can say without reservation that it works. The fact that I have been on the program for so long and that I am alive and well and holding down a good job, surely proves that the program works. Except for a period of eight months, I have not used any kind of drug.

My most recent blood test revealed that the HIV virus was undetectable. This does not necessarily mean that I am free of the virus but simply that the associated antibodies could not be detected.

It is with confidence, therefore, that I recommend this program to anyone with HIV. It takes a bit of self-control, but the quality of life is fantastic compared to when I was on anti-retrovirals.

When I was first diagnosed, I thought of Aids as a death sentence, I now see Aids as a call for me to live my life rather differently - so that I can continue to live. I now know just exactly what I must do and what I must not do if I wish to live. When I follow the program my viral load drops; when I stray from the program my viral load increases.

Through prayer and the support of family and friends I have become stronger in mind and in character. I have learnt to think like a winner for I realize that the prize is life – my life - and its the only life I have.

Yes, there have been times when I fell off the wagon, but this was never because of the program, or because I was weak, but usually because of circumstances beyond my control and/or because of despondency. My despondency was largely caused by "society" - not by what society feels about HIV sufferers, but by what I thought society feels about HIV sufferers.

As an HIV sufferer you can easily allow yourself to feel that you are no longer a part of “the inner circle” of society, and that feeling can eat you up – it’s almost like being in jail – a mental jail – and if you allow yourself to enter this jail, there is nothing there that can boost your self esteem, nothing there that can address your inner need for acceptance, nothing there that can fulfill our inborn need to play a meaningful role in the community.

Regardless of what society might feel about us, however, the all-important factor is how we feel about ourselves. Typically, those with HIV will go into denial, then they will try and go into hiding, and they will spend their lives ever fearing that someone will find out - ever looking for signs that people feel awkward in their company, and ever trying to avoid rejection. But this is a tortuous path to follow - for in the hiding we only confirm that we do not accept ourselves, and if we do not accept ourselves, how can society ever accept the real "us."

Now my reader will appreciate why I requested that my real name be attached to my story . . .

So the first goal of any HIV sufferer is to accept who you are and what you are. Just as handicapped people have to accept their condition before they can get mobile, just as blind people have to accept their condition before they can learn to read, so it is with those who are HIV positive. We have to accept our condition and adjust our lives accordingly - and for me that adjustment has meant the eating of natural foods, a very healthy and balanced lifestyle, and a very close walk with God. These are my "wheelchairs," so to speak, this is my "brail," these are the things that keep me "mobile" and happy.

Some might choose anti-retroviral drugs as their "crutches," and that is their privilege, but for me life without quality of life is no life at all. Anti-retrovirals may by an option for some, for some the side effects might not be as severe as they were for me, but I have chosen the natural way.

HIV/AIDS is a very heavy burden to carry. It leaves you alone and afraid to live a normal life. The truth is that life can never be normal for me in many ways. Every human being has a great need for love and companionship, but these desires are difficult to satisfy when you carry the HIV/AIDS stigma around with you. Like anyone, I have a deep desire to be in an intimate relationship and to have children, but I never can. I haven’t been with anyone, and I have not even anticipated a relationship for the past seven years. No-one but the Lord knows my loneliness, and no one but the Lord knows how steep and how rugged my path has been.

Nevertheless, I am alive, and I still believe that everything happens for a reason.

There are many times when I ask myself where I would have been if not for Aids. I could have curled up and died seven years ago, but I chose to live. And here I am, seven years down the line, writing my testimony in the hope that it will encourage some, and maybe help others to understand. This fact alone persuades me that my experience had purpose. More than this, I have learnt many valuable lessons – the most valuable lesson of all being that despite my condition, I can live in the here and now, and I can entertain an abundant hope of living forever in the hereafter. If not for HIV, I might never have learnt that all-important truth . . . ?

Perhaps my reader can now appreciate why I have had to lean so heavily upon God. One of the first things Mr. Mandy said to me was that I should make a relationship with God my first priority in life and this I have tried to do ever since. Throughout life I never had a real father figure, but God has been a wonderful Father to me. He is always there when I need Him, He is always the same, and He is always eager to listen to me and to direct me. He loves me, He accepts me, and He cares for me - despite my condition.

So my dear HIV positive friend, I am not a preacher, and I am not trying to trick you into my particular brand of religion, but I would not be telling you the truth if I did not mention to you that I could never have come this far without God's comforting and stabilizing presence. Man will let you down, even those who should be lifting you up might sometimes let you down, but God will never let you down.

When the storm clouds lift, only He can lift you out of the mud.

God bless you

Earl Mitchell

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